One of the most common reasons parents come to me for coaching is because they’re losing their shit with their kids. They want to learn how to stay patient when parenting gets tough. Many of these parents feel incredibly ashamed of their tempers.
I get it. I’ve felt that shame too.
But the truth is that losing it with your kids doesn’t make you a bad parent, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Rather, your temper is a symptom, a red flag letting you know that something’s not right.
If you can get curious about what’s going on in your life in general and what happens each time you explode, you’ll start to get some important information about what’s triggering you, and what you need to do differently going forward.
It all starts with the story you’re telling yourself. The sooner you can let go of any thoughts you might be having about being a bad parent, the sooner you can adopt a new way of thinking about your situation, a more helpful way. You can start by noticing, just becoming aware that you’re beating yourself up, and then choose to think something else. You might have to play this little noticing / choosing game 100 times in a day, but that’s a whole lot better for your sanity (and shit loss) than staying mired in the mud of self-doubt and shame.
Here’s how I put it in HOW TO STOP LOSING YOUR SH*T WITH YOUR KIDS:
“How about a new story, one that not only gives you a more accurate picture of what’s actually happening but also offers a map for how to get to where you want to go? How about this one? You’re doing an incredibly hard job, and you’re doing it without the right information, support, resources, and rest.”
From that place of compassion and forgiveness, you’ll feel freer and more empowered to take the next steps towards becoming the kind of parent you want to be, whatever that looks like for you and your family.
I’ve got a lot more to say about forgiveness, compassion, and habit change in parenting in my new book, HOW TO STOP LOSING YOUR SH*T WITH YOUR KIDS. It will be available on August 20, and you can pre-order it now at your favorite online bookseller. Reserve your copy now!
Take a deep breath. You got this.
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